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Posts Tagged ‘vibrator’

First of all, know you’re not alone. By some estimates, as many as one in ten of us has never experienced orgasm, and among those of us who have, it happens in only about half of our sexual encounters. I’m not suggesting that makes it okay that you’re struggling; knowing the facts, though, can lessen your stress about what’s happening—or not happening.

In spite of what you see in the movies, most women—up to 80 percent—cannot have an orgasm with intercourse alone. Most women need direct stimulation of the clitoris, and the mechanics of intercourse just don’t provide that. Oral or manual stimulation of the clitoris tends to lead to orgasm, and vibrators give the kind of stimulation needed—as variety or because it’s easier. Especially as we grow older, many women need the extra stimulation a vibrator provides.

Vibrators can be for external or internal use. External vibrators (Siri, Lily, Kiri, and Isis) work extremely well for women who respond to direct clitoral stimulation. Other women like the internal stimulation of the vagina and G spot, too, for which some vibrators (Gigi, Raya, Celesse) are designed for insertion. Those vibrators can also be used externally on the clitoris. If you want the extra stimulation during intercourse, the external type will work best.

There are additional features you might think about, too; I’ve written whole blog posts on the topic. Whatever you might choose (and our most popular are the Siri and Gigi), I often recommend to women that they try self-stimulation to see what kind of touch where feels best. That, too, lessens the pressure when you’re with your partner.

Enjoy the exploration! It’s never too late to learn even more about your body.

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Yes, your vibrator or other toys are safe with estrogen creams, often prescribed for vaginal dryness.

What you’ll want to be careful of is silicone-based lubricants. Whether they’re safe to use with your vibrator depends on the materials used; silicone lubes will ruin the surface of a silicone toy. The instructions that came with your vibrator (or are available online) will usually tell you what’s safe and what’s not.

I’ve seen patients have good results with estrogen cream; hope you have the same!

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Thyroid disorders are not typically a significant factor for libido or orgasm. A bigger issue is expectations: The majority (probably at least 80 percent) of women cannot have and never have had an orgasm with intercourse alone. Most women need more direct stimulation. As we get older and in the absence of estrogen, having an orgasm without direct stimulation becomes even more difficult. It may not be realistic to expect to have an orgasm with intercourse or penetration.

A vibrator can be a great addition for that direct stimulation. You might want to try one with a warming lubricant, and see what happens! The Emotional Bliss vibrators (Womolia and Femblossom)  have more intense stimulation than some others on the market. I have seen some amazing results from women who hadn’t had an orgasm in years because of medications that interfere with orgasm or medical conditions that make orgasm more difficult. They were successful using these products, so give it a try and good luck!

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Part 3 of 3

Shopping for vibrators can be fun, and really very interesting. These devices come in many configurations and with many options, because, well, we’re all different. What one woman or couple likes and needs can be a real turnoff for the next.

While my partners and I shopped for the collection we offer at our online store, we kept these factors in mind:

Size and Shape
Vibrators come in sizes and shapes destined for specific as well as general use. You will find mini vibrators great for clitoral and prostate stimulation. These small devices may fit in the palm of your hand or strap to a finger (especially good for making love in the dark).

There are larger clitoral vibrators shaped to cup the clitoris and labia. These can be combined with a dilator or dildo, used during intercourse, or used on their own to help stimulate vulvo-vaginal tissues.

Midsized vibrators are often wand-shaped for vaginal and g-spot stimulation. Large women find these useful for the reach they provide, and they can also provide leverage for women who have difficulty with hand strength.

Massagers are dual use devices, used for vulvar stimulation as well as massaging muscles anywhere in the body (really!). Attachments for these devices can transform them into vaginal and g-spot stimulating wonders.

Power
Older women generally need more power, both a stronger vibration and a longer session time. For that reason, rechargable batteries or plug-in devices are usually a better bet than disposable battery-operated devices.

Materials
Hard plastics and stainless steel are easy to clean. Look for materials that are guaranteed to be phthalate-free. Silicone surfaces are wonderfully warm to the touch, with a skin-like feel. They clean up with soap and water or with cleaners made especially for sex aids, but owners need to be careful not to use them with silicone-based lubricants. Some manufacturers now use anti-microbial plastics, medical-grade materials formulated to discourage bacterial growth.

Heat Feature
Vibrators that warm up before and during use are great for those of us who flinch from the cold

If that’s too many variables to maneuver in one shopping experience, may we make a recommendation? If this is your first vibrator ever, why not start with one designed specifically for clitoral and labial stimulation? That way you’re sure to have a device that will help you improve circulation, keeping your vulvar tissues responsive and ready for sex when you are.

When you have your new device in hand, be sure to charge it fully before you use it. Start slowly and gently, using plenty of lubricant with the device, learning what your device will do and how your body likes it. If it’s been awhile since you have had any sexual stimulation at all, be patient. Give your body time and a number of sessions to awake to this new sensation. And if you’re bringing this new toy into an old relationship, talk through it, explore this device together. The more communication, the better.

And you tell us! What advice or questions or stories do you have about selecting a vibrator or bringing one into your sex life for the first time? We would love to hear from you!

Return to Pt 1 of 3

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Part 1 of 3
“A Vibrator? Me? At my age?!”
That’s a pretty common response when I recommend — actually prescribe — using a vibrator to the patients I see in my menopause practice. I live in a small city in the middle of the Midwest, where sex aids are of course in use — as they are everywhere and for millenia — but they are hard to find and almost never openly discussed, at least not among the generation hitting menopause right now.

But, yes, Virginia, a vibrator, for you, and especially now. Here’s why… As we approach menopause, our sex hormones are in a constant state of flux. Perhaps flooding our systems one minute, depleted the next. What they are, especially, is unreliable. They are just not reliably there when you need them to do their work in bringing you to arousal, helping to lubricate your vagina, to make sex possible, much less pleasurable.

Then, once we have fully reached menopause, our hormones are more predictable, but they’re in shorter supply. That might not bring any measurable sexual changes for one woman, but for another, it can feel like a door has been shut in her face. Her vaginal tissues may not respond to the same sexual stimulation that always worked in the past. That can leave some of us feeling as if we have just stopped functioning, sexually.

Of course, the whole point of this blog and our website is to share the news that it ain’t over until you say it’s over. The secret to keeping sex alive after menopause is MORE. Follow our recipe: More knowledge, more lubrication, more stimulation, more intimacy, more exercise.

What came without trying when we were young — reading the small print, responding to sexual stimuli — now requires assistive devices. Reading glasses… and a vibrator. (And moisturizers, maybe dilators, a sexy movie or two, a pillow?…)

But especially vibrators. And not just any vibrator, but a vibrator with more power and endurance than a young girl needs. Clitoral stimulation at our age needs to overcome the sluggish circulation in a clitoris that, if unused, will go dormant, pulling up into the body. Our vibrators need more power, over a longer period, to replace that circulation and encourage a clitoris to come out to play.

On to Part 2 of 3…

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Menopause brings a drop in circulating estrogen. And a drop in circulating estrogen often (but not always!) brings a drop in sexual response. So at midlife, for many of us, sexual satisfaction takes more — more time, more moisture, more sensation.

I like to use the reading glasses analogy. When you reach 40, suddenly it’s not easy to read the fine print. When that happened, did you give up reading? Of course not. You got reading glasses and went on. Or bifocal contacts. You adjusted.

Many of my patients have little to no experience using sexual aids. I may recommend that they consider using a vibrator or a lubricant or a positioning pillow — but they have to actually purchase these things. I can just picture my patients walking out of my office and shaking their heads at the thought.

A majority of my patients are not going to visit a sex shop. They are not likely to be comfortable or happy visiting the sex shops online either. I looked and looked for a good place to send my patients, where the focus is on sexual health, on sustaining our sexuality. We need a safe place to shop, where the products are durable and made of safe materials. And frankly, we need a place that doesn’t cast women as sexual toys, and that acknowledges a healthy sexuality for people over 40.

My patients are from a generation of women who have redefined female sexuality, and are now redefining menopause. As pioneers, we all had a lot to learn, and still do. Many of us have never used sex toys or lubricants at all. The language of these products is completely foreign to many of us. We can learn from and teach each other.

So I’m trying to build a sexual support site for us. And that includes a product store for us. A store that’s comfortable, private, but has  the advantage of including guidance that will help women who are new to this language choose products that will make sense for their own sexuality, their conditions, their goals.

We won’t offer hundreds of items. We will keep the information informative, tasteful, and clear. We’ve been working hard (no, really) shopping, testing, choosing, sorting — pulling together a portfolio of products specifically for midlife women who want to enjoy sexuality for life.

I can’t wait for you to see the selection. And when you do, please share your thoughts. I very much want our product selections to be influenced by our customers and the menopause community.

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