• Home
  • About
  • Credo
  • Contact

MiddlesexMD Blog

SEXUALITY FOR LIFE. Info, advice and products for women over 40.

Feeds:
Posts
Comments
« Turn-on? Or Creep-out?
From the Heart Docs: Sex is Safe after Heart Attack »

Three Sex-Killing Bogeymen

January 26, 2012 by barbdepree

The stroller is in mothballs, along with the Little League jersey and the Cub Scouts uniform. Just when the kids can brush their own teeth and maybe drive themselves to hockey practice, just when you thought the never-ending physical demands of raising children might slack off. Just when you thought you and your partner might finally, finally get some time alone, you realize that:

  • Your mom isn’t doing well and needs more support, probably from (who else?) you!
  • You’ve unmistakably entered “the change” and your ability to roll with the punches isn’t rolling anymore.
  • Instead of becoming more independent, your teenaged children have only become more mobile, not necessarily more trustworthy; they are also acutely aware of what goes on behind closed doors. Your closed door, in particular. Plus, they stay up until all hours, while you are practically going to bed with the sun.
  • Or (alternate scenario) your 20-something was just sucked into the economic downdraft and lost his job. He’s moving back until he finds another.
  • Neither you nor your partner is getting any younger, to which your rickety knees, complaining back, and unsteady blood pressure can attest.

Sex? Can you spell that?

According to the North American Menopause Society (NAMS), fatigue, stress, and lack of privacy are three common bogeymen of midlife sex. Maybe you once thought you’d have everything figured out by now. As it turns out, the reality on the ground looks much different.

You belong to the sandwich generation, remember? You care for aging parents and your own growing children—who stay up late and are acutely aware of sexual innuendo. The boomerang kid lands at your doorstep. And just when your own career is at its most demanding, you’re tossing at night from insomnia and hot flashes and don’t perform well at the morning meeting with (choose one) the partners, the customer, the staff.

While you can’t magically fix everything at once—stress and fatigue won’t dissipate overnight, and you won’t be able to leap passionately into bed tonight with a rose clamped between your teeth—yet, you might keep in mind the airline attendant’s advice: Put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Because if you can’t breathe, what earthly good are you to anyone else?

You can’t do anything about your teenagers’ sensitivity or your parents’ fragility or your menopausal discomforts, but you can pay attention to your physical and psychological health and to the partner who, God willing, will still be around when the other demands have eased.

Try these stress-busters:

  • Eat healthfully. You’ve heard this before, but the wisdom of the ages bears repeating. Your body simply won’t keep up with all the physical demands if you’re overeating or consuming the bad stuff. Think fruits and veggies, not fries and burgers. Think whole grains, not white rice and Wonder bread. Avoid refined sugars, fats, and processed foods. Avoid alcohol. Cut back on caffeine, which, according to NAMS, elevates levels of cortisol, the “stress hormone.”
  • Meditate.  Guided imagery or mindfulness meditations are simple and surprisingly effective techniques to help you relax and check in with yourself emotionally. They’re refreshing to the spirit and the closest thing to magic at relieving stress. For a superb two-fer—a stress-relieving meditation and a gentle workout, try yoga.
  • Exercise. If you don’t stay active, your body simply won’t work well. Exercise is the third leg of the stool to lowering stress, improving your mood, and keeping joints, organs, and muscles functional. It doesn’t have to be strenuous, but it does need to be regular—30 minute sessions four to five times a week. If you can get outside, all the better.

Now for the fun stuff:

  • Relax and do something nice for yourself. Take a bath. Get a massage. Get a makeover. Go out with friends.
  • Laugh. It makes you prettier and it relieves stress. All the experts say so.
  • Create a boudoir. If your kids are going to smirk and giggle anyway, give them something to be really embarrassed about. Make your bedroom a sexy little place just for you and your partner. Your kids will never again enter without knocking.
  • Play with toys. Sex will take longer and may require some props as you both grow older. But according to several studies, you’ll enjoy it more. So what are you waiting for? Check out our website, both to educate yourself and for our selection of sex enhancing toys.
  • Take your time. Maybe you’ve noticed that most of these suggestions require time, which may seem as scarce as snow in Tahiti. But that’s just the point, isn’t it? You have more demands than ever on your time and energy. But if you don’t fill the gas tank, you’ll be running on empty.

Pass this post on:

  • Print
  • Facebook
  • Email
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter
  • Google

Like this:

Like Loading...

Related

Posted in The Good Stuff | Tagged intimacy, midlife sex, sexual health, women's health |

  • MiddlesexMD website
  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 398 other followers


  • Blogs and Sites We Like

    • EmpowHer
    • FlashFree
    • Friend For The Ride
    • Menopausetheblog
    • Mother U
    • Mothering in the Middle
    • My Vaginismus Story
    • Vibrant Nation
    • ZestNow
  • Categories

    • Condition News
    • Questions…and answers
    • See Also
    • The Good Stuff
    • Uncategorized
    • Under the Covers
  • Archives

    • April 2018
    • March 2018
    • February 2018
    • January 2018
    • December 2017
    • November 2017
    • October 2017
    • September 2017
    • August 2017
    • July 2017
    • June 2017
    • May 2017
    • April 2017
    • March 2017
    • February 2017
    • January 2017
    • December 2016
    • November 2016
    • October 2016
    • September 2016
    • August 2016
    • July 2016
    • June 2016
    • May 2016
    • April 2016
    • March 2016
    • February 2016
    • January 2016
    • December 2015
    • November 2015
    • October 2015
    • September 2015
    • August 2015
    • July 2015
    • June 2015
    • May 2015
    • April 2015
    • March 2015
    • February 2015
    • January 2015
    • December 2014
    • November 2014
    • October 2014
    • September 2014
    • July 2014
    • June 2014
    • May 2014
    • April 2014
    • March 2014
    • February 2014
    • January 2014
    • December 2013
    • November 2013
    • October 2013
    • September 2013
    • August 2013
    • July 2013
    • June 2013
    • May 2013
    • April 2013
    • March 2013
    • February 2013
    • January 2013
    • December 2012
    • November 2012
    • October 2012
    • September 2012
    • August 2012
    • July 2012
    • June 2012
    • May 2012
    • April 2012
    • March 2012
    • February 2012
    • January 2012
    • December 2011
    • November 2011
    • October 2011
    • September 2011
    • August 2011
    • July 2011
    • June 2011
    • May 2011
    • April 2011
    • March 2011
    • February 2011
    • January 2011
    • December 2010
    • November 2010
    • October 2010
    • September 2010
    • August 2010
    • July 2010
    • June 2010
    • May 2010
    • April 2010
    • March 2010
    • February 2010
    • January 2010
  • This blog is for information and entertainment only and is no substitute for medical diagnosis or treatment. Please contact your own practitioner if you need medical advice or attention. Copyright © 2010 DePree Women's Wellness, LLC. All rights reserved.

Blog at WordPress.com.

WPThemes.


loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.
%d bloggers like this: