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Lots of attention has focused on the finicky female orgasm in recent years, from Dr. Rosemary Basson’s model of the female sexual response cycle to the helpful finding of just how female anatomy influences the probability of vaginal orgasm.

A new study from Chapman University, Indiana University, and the Kinsey Institute colored in some details of female sexual response, in part by rounding up a wide net of participants. Over 52,000 men and women between the ages of 18 and 65 responded to an online survey, including a more robust sample of those who identify as gay, lesbian, and bisexual.

There's significant misunderstanding between Venus and Mars.The take-away from all this analysis was the jaw-dropping finding (tongue in cheek) that men (95 percent) orgasm dependably, while women, not so much (65 percent). About 44 percent of women said they rarely or never reach orgasm with vaginal intercourse alone, a number that is quite low compared to other studies suggesting that fully 70 percent of women don’t orgasm with vaginal penetration. These numbers point (again) to some very significant differences in sexual response, which in turn, lead to significant misunderstanding between Venus and Mars.

“About 30 percent of men actually think that intercourse is the best way for women to have orgasm, and that is sort of a tragic figure because it couldn’t be more incorrect,” said Dr. Elisabeth Lloyd, a professor of biology at Indiana University and author of The Case of the Female Orgasm in this article.

Additionally, while 41 percent of men think their partner orgasms frequently, far fewer women (33 percent) say they actually do orgasm. The researchers note that this difference could be due to women faking orgasm for several reasons: “to protect their partner’s self-esteem, intoxication, or to bring the sexual encounter to an end.”

The researchers were particularly interested in the disparity between how dependably lesbian women orgasm (89 percent) versus heterosexual women (that 65 percent figure). They theorize that this is due, in part, to women having a better anatomical understanding of each other’s needs.

The headliner result of all those survey is a “Golden Trio” of sexual moves that the researchers say are almost guaranteed to induce the Meg Ryan-style “Yes! Yes! Yes!” in women: clitoral stimulation, deep kissing, and oral sex. Even without vaginal penetration, 80 percent of heterosexual woman and 91 percent of lesbian women were able to orgasm dependably with this magic trio. (Although deep kissing and oral sex seem either mutually exclusive or tremendously acrobatic.)

The research noted that women who orgasm more frequently also have sex more frequently and are more likely to be satisfied with their relationships. Whether satisfying sex is the chicken or the egg—a contributor to a satisfying relationship or an effect of a good relationship, it’s safe to say that the two go hand-in-hand. Good sex and good relationships are both enhanced when partners communicate about what works and include a healthy dollop of fun and flirtation.

“I would like [women] to take that home and think about it, and to think about it with their partners and talk about it with their partners,” said Lloyd. “If they are not fully experiencing their fullest sexual expression to the maximum of their ability, then I think our paper has something to contribute to their wellbeing.”

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You asked. Dr. Barb answered.I’m not sure which “tightening product” you’ve seen. The only way to tighten the vagina is to tighten the surrounding muscles. Kegel exercises (we give instructions on our website) target the muscles of the pelvic floor. And many women find that exercise tools (like vaginal weights or a barbell) helps them be sure they’re flexing the right muscles. I also recommend the Intensity Pelvic Tone Vibrator, which uses a combination of electrical pulses and vibration to build pelvic tone.

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You asked. Dr. Barb answered.Intrarosa is a new product for treating vaginal atrophy, approved by the FDA in November of 2016. It will be available by prescription only; it’s not yet in pharmacies but is likely to be later in 2017. The clinical trials for Intrarosa are favorable for treating vaginal atrophy, or genitourinary syndrome of menopause causing painful intercourse. It is an adrenal hormone, prasterone (dehydroepiandrosterone), formulated as a once-a-day vaginal insert.

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MonaLisa Touch is a laser treatment for vaginal atrophy, also known as genitourinary syndrome of menopause. I explained the treatment option in a blog post a few months ago.

You asked. Dr. Barb answered.The treatment is quite effective for most patients, but it is costly. As a new procedure, it’s not covered by most insurance companies; without insurance coverage the expense (cost varies by region, but figure $1,500 to $2,000 for the three required treatments) is a limitation for many. The procedure needs to be updated regularly, probably about once a year for most women.

We also lack long-term data on its efficacy and side effects. We are very hopeful the clinical trials will soon be available to assure its effectiveness and safety.

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You can’t really tighten your vagina. What you can do is tighten your pelvic floor muscles, which surround the vagina. We offer a variety of products designed to help you improve pelvic floor tone, as well as instructions on how to do Kegel exercises.

There are some laser treatments that have been offered to tighten the vagina. They’re relatively new treatment options, and the outcomes seem quite variable.

Strengthen your floor!I hope this helps! (And I’ll note that strengthening your pelvic floor is also good for preventing incontinence, so there’s lots of reason to develop the Kegel habit!)

 

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RESOLUTION #4

For this last of our January resolutions series, we’ll break from our discussion of underappreciated body parts but remain totally in keeping with MiddlesexMD’s tradition of confronting embarrassing issues head-on and unfiltered. Specifically, those we avoid talking about with our doctors.

Admit it, most of us don’t like to discuss topics having to do with sex, elimination, mental health, gender orientation, obesity. Often these topics are surrounded by social ambivalence or downright discrimination. We want to be healthy and normal. We don’t want to have problems, and we sure don’t want to air them with a semi-stranger.

Doctors have heard it all. That's our job.The doctor/patient relationship can be clumsy, strained, uncomfortable or superficial. Some providers are simply more skilled at coaxing out and straightforwardly addressing your intimate questions. If you find that your doctor is abrupt or unapproachable, or if you just don’t have good chemistry, you ought to—and have every right to—change doctors. Along with your dentist and auto mechanic, this is one individual you have to trust.

I want to assure you that doctors have heard it all. Not only that, we want—and need—to know what’s bothering you emotionally or physically. That’s our job, and we can’t do it effectively if you decide to soldier on. Often, that embarrassing secret can be easily treated; sometimes, it’s a symptom of something more serious that needs further testing.

Too often, however, patients wait until the “doorknob moment.” The exam is all wrapped up, and the doctor is literally almost out the door when the real question tumbles out: Oh, and I have noticed blood in my stool a few times recently; or, is it normal to have pain with sex?

If you don’t mention it, you doctor can’t address it. And if you wait until the doorknob moment, you may have to schedule a second visit so your provider can adequately assess the problem.

Here are examples of some of the questions that are either quirky or hard to bring up. Feel free to add your own in the comment section—or email me for a personal reply. While I can give you my best response, this in no way lets you off the hook from getting in-depth, personalized information from your own doctor.

  1. I’ve never had an orgasm. Is that weird? No. Female orgasm is a tricky business. Most women fake an orgasm at some point; about 5 percent of women never have one. But just because you’ve never had an orgasm doesn’t mean you never will. Here and here is some starter information. With some coaching, some understanding of your physiology (most women orgasm clitorally, not vaginally, for example), and some practice, chances are good that you’ll awaken those slumbering nerve endings.
  2. Do I look normal? “Normal” encompasses such broad and beautiful variety that there’s almost no such thing. Vaginas and labia, breasts and bellies come in a wide range of sizes, shapes, and colors. They aren’t often symmetric, and size and color can change with age and sexual activity.  Don’t believe me? Take a look at this art installation of real female genitalia.
  3. Why am I growing facial hair? This is another side-effect of normal, hormonal changes during menopause. Often, facial hair becomes thicker and coarser as well. You should mention this to your doctor just to monitor the changes and rule out other causes.
  4. Does it matter if I use drugs recreationally? Yes, it matters to your doctor. We need to know what’s going into your system, so we can correctly diagnose problems and be aware of possible interactions with other pharmaceuticals. This has nothing to do with law enforcement and everything to do with your healthcare—and sometimes even your life. We need to know about even benign recreational drug use, such as marijuana.
  5. Sometimes I leak and sometimes I smear. Female urinary incontinence is very common. The number of people who suffer from fecal incontinence, however, is harder to estimate because, surprise!, patients are too embarrassed to talk about it, and their doctors don’t ask. If either is problematic for you, ‘fess up. Talk about it. Treatment is available.
  6. I’m postmenopausal, and I’m bleeding. Definitely an issue to discuss with your doctor. Most postmenopausal bleeding is a result of thin, dry vaginal tissue, but more serious causes have to be ruled out.
  7. Why does my vagina make a strange sound during sex? Vaginal tissue is made of pockets and folds. (That’s how it expands to accommodate an 8-pound baby!) When air gets trapped in the pockets, penetration can push it out. The sound is called queefing, and it happens to lots of women.
  8. Am I ejaculating during sex? It’s possible. Female ejaculation is defined as fluid ejected from the urethra during climax. Colloquially, it’s called squirting. The phenomenon isn’t common but has been reported often enough that it isn’t a myth, either. Frankly, not much is known about why it happens or what the fluid is, exactly. Consider yourself special and stay tuned for more information.

Pick up your courage and a pencil and do yourself a favor: Write down all the questions, sexual, messy, and embarrassing as they may be, to ask at your next physical. You can also answer the questions in this quick and easy Menopause Map to begin framing the questions.

“In the end, we all just have to become comfortable with the fact that sex involves the genitals and the genitals are down there. It’s a big, messy thing—but it’s worth it!” says Dr. Debby Herbenick, in this article.

 

 

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I Will {Heart} My Heart

RESOLUTION #3

This is the tough one, ladies, but it’s also the most important. Cardiovascular disease (heart attack and stroke) is the #1 killer of women today. One in 3 women die from it. By comparison, 1 in 8 women die from breast cancer.

The news gets worse: about 44 million women in the US are affected by cardiovascular disease right now. Ninety percent of us have at least one risk factor, such as high blood pressure, diabetes, smoking, or being overweight. We are less likely than men to survive our first heart attack.

Fortunately, perfection isn't required.But the really good news is that 80 percent of cardiovascular problems can be prevented by knowledge and lifestyle change, according to the American Heart Association (AHA). The other bright spot is that improving heart health also improves our brain health, because good brain function relies on good cardiovascular function. And we know that as we age, we are at higher risk for various dementias.

It’s important to honestly tackle those lifestyle changes right now because as we age, our risk factors for heart disease increase: cholesterol and blood pressure tend to rise; we tend to gain weight; sleep may be more difficult. So time, very literally, is of the essence.

Unfortunately, lifestyle change of the type required for good cardiovascular health is hard. Honest, systemic lifestyle change demands consistency, and self-discipline, and this is hard. Few among us achieve perfection when it comes to an overall health care regimen.

Fortunately, perfection isn’t required. Getting started and sticking to it is.

To get started, assess your current baseline. These are the most important numbers:

  • Total cholesterol less than 200 mg/dL
  • HDL (good) cholesterol 50 mg/dL or higher
  • LDL (bad) cholesterol less than 100 mg/dL
  • Triglycerides 150 mg/dL
  • Blood pressure less than 120/80 mm Hg
  • Body Mass Index less than 25 kg/m2 (Find your BMI here.)
  • Waist circumference less than 35 inches

Second: discuss your numbers with your doctor to get your marching orders: hash out what to focus on; what is possible, and how best to begin, especially regarding an exercise regimen.

And third: Get started! Every one of those important numbers measuring cholesterol levels, blood pressure, blood sugar levels, and weight can be moderated or controlled through diet and exercise. That’s it. A clean, heart-healthy diet and regular moderate activity could extend your life and help you to avoid the serious consequences of heart disease. Plus, you’ll feel better, experience less pain, and be more flexible.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime deal.

A heart-healthy diet for a woman over 50 should rely heavily on fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meat and lots of fish, whole grains, and unsaturated fat, such as olive oil. Cut way back on salt, sugars of all sorts, saturated and trans-fats.

Cook your own food so you know what’s in it. Processed foods are full of sodium and unpronounceable additives. Make eating out a rare treat.

Both Weight Watchers and the Mediterranean diet get high marks from nutritionists as being heart-healthy, not too restrictive, and easy to follow—thus good candidates for a successful lifelong change.

Drink lots of water (we lose the tendency to feel thirsty as we age) and take your multi-vitamins and supplements, such as calcium and vitamin D, as advised by your doctor. Here’s a ton more diet information from the AHA’s Go Red for Women campaign.

Exercise is the second leg of cardiovascular good health. It’s hard to overestimate the benefits of regular, moderate activity—it regulates blood pressure, strengthens your heart and other muscles, increases bone density, and improves your mood.

The trick with exercise is to get started and to keep going because you will use every distraction in the book to procrastinate. It doesn’t have to be hard or expensive. A brisk, 30-minute walk 5 times a week—that’s all! Start with 10 minutes if you’ve been sedentary, but keep challenging yourself.

If you live in an area with cold winters, you can walk in the mall or do cardio workouts at home with some of the very good fitness videos available online. Here’s a beginner workout from the inimitable Jane Fonda, who imparts salty health advice along with encouragement. Here’s a no-nonsense and very comprehensive set of workout programs to explore once you’ve built up some stamina. Stick with low-impact workouts, warm up thoroughly, and don’t overdo. Steady, consistent progress is better—and safer—than a jackrabbit start.

Finally, stop smoking. Not negotiable. Smoking adds incredible risk to your health. Do whatever it takes to eliminate nicotine from your life.

It’s January. This is a good time to seriously take charge of your health. Imagine how incredible you’ll feel after spending the entire year working out and eating clean. Imagine actually witnessing the change in those numbers. Buckle up for a life-changing year.

 

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